I feel so stuck. Stuck in a relationship. Stuck to failing school. Stuck never feeling happy.

In my dreams, I can openly talk to people and they know just to listen and embrace me. Keep me safe. But the world has a problem that when they think they can’t help, they tell you to see a professional. All I need right now is friends.

I am in love with a boy I’ve never had a physical attraction to. I get high to feel more in love. More connected. But instead, he hates me for it. He tells me my breath stinks and that I’m not myself. And I cry at night. I cry because I feel like my depression and my addiction has brought us apart. I cry because I think all the time how much I want a girl in my life to love.

Ari reminded me of my brother today. And Justine had me crying in front of everyone. Will I ever go back to school? Is it too late to have dreams? I want to be in Scotland. I want to make art and have people listen. At second best, I want to be in Boston with my brother. Or Colorado with Judy. Or Guatemala. Anywhere but here, stuck in my room, swimming in loath.